i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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