why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
