Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
