sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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