found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she peed on how many people?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
