I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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