seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
