Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
