piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
