He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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