I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
