is your mom at the bar?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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