Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
