And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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