as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize