I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
