How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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