the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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