So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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