I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
