You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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