I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
