We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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