I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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