Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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