Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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