I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
