do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
