I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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