If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
