You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
