i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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