I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
