are you still at the devil's house?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
