After last night, I could never be a politician.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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