You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
