Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the liver wants what the liver wants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
