You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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