Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
