the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
