i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
