You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
