Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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