It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
