The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
