You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The feeling are messing with the penis
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
