I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
