put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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