It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
