i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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