She said her name was "party"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
