Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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