i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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