I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just had sex bonerless
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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