a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
