what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
