dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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