At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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