Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize