i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
