My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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