Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
