Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
did i walk over a car last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
