If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
