Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
