I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
