"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
