Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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