this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
