you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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