hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
