Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
