take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
