Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
