last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
