I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
