really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
