Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize