oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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