i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
