Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
