i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
