her vagina looked like bernie madoff
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
