I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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