Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
