So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
