i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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