I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
