chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dicks are not precious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
