That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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