Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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