if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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