All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
