Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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