well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize