big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
