Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
