He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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