Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
being pregnant is like rehab
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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